Sunday, July 14, 2013

Golf and other four-letter words

My friend Mix has talked me into playing in a golf tournament in Maine next weekend.

In theory, it should be fun. Mix is a pal I don't get to see very often, but it's fun when we do. I can also return the wrestling DVDs he loaned me (which reminds me, I have to finish the last one).

There's just a small catch or two ...

... I'm a terrible golfer, 
... with a bad temper
... who doesn't like embarrassing myself in public.

Even when I did play somewhat regularly, I was lucky to break 90 on a par-3 course, and that was probably 15 years ago. The one time I actually kept score on a full-size course, I think I shot 124.

My father-in-law and I went a couple weeks ago, and we both decided not to keep score on the first hole. It was that bad.

So I figured I should do something to prepare, and I found a good video to address my biggest problem, which is topping the ball.


So it was with that in mind that I headed to a local driving range. As I got ready to hit the ball, I thought, "Relax your arms. Bring your back knee forward ..."

And I absolutely crushed the ball, straight, too! Then I did it again ... and again. This was actually working!

Then it happened.

I was hitting off the mats, not the grass, meaning I was hitting off the rubber tees that stick up a few inches. On my fourth swing, I got more tee than ball, and the ball went straight, but not far.

And then I hit the tee flush. Granted, I crushed it, and hit it straight, but the ball sat where I left it. Then it happened again, and again. 

At this point, I was getting rather upset, if you consider pounding my bag with my club multiple times "rather upset." (Did I mention something about a temper?)

Making matters worse, my entire thought process centered around not hitting the tee, mechanics be damned. I started spraying the ball everywhere, when I actually managed to hit it, and I got angrier and angrier and further and further into my own head.

This tournament should be reeeaallllyyyy interesting.



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