If David Stern can't even do a fix right, maybe it's good he's retiring

As someone who believes the 1985 NBA draft lottery was fixed so the Knicks could pick Patrick Ewing, thinks Michael Jordan's first retirement could have really been a secret suspension for gambling, is convinced Aaron Craft was allowed to mug the Syracuse guards in the 2012 East Regional final to keep the Orange out of the Final Four and has a good friend named Cy Nical who believes everything anyone tells you is bull, I can appreciate a good sports conspiracy theory, especially if it has to do with someone you don't like.

And thus we have the "David Stern is fixing the Heat-Pacers series so the heat can get in the NBA Finals!" conspiracy. Dave Zirin even referenced it in a piece he wrote arguing that Pacers center Roy Hibbert should be suspended for saying "no homo" while talking to the press after Game 6. It also came up on his Twitter.

@EdgeofSports That is an issue "@Tuckyargh: @EdgeofSports If Roy Hibbert is suspended for game 7, I will have no doubt the NBA is officially rigged."

However, if Stern is doing his behind-the-scenes manipulations to make sure the ratings-drawing Heat make the NBA Finals, he has one big problem ...

... the San Antonio Spurs.

The Spurs are a terrific team. Tim Duncan is an all-timer. Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili are outstanding. All they do is win year after year after year.

They are also ratings death.

Granted, the article linked above is six years old, but given that the NBA Finals since then have featured the Lakers and Celtics playing each other twice, the Lakers again and the Heat twice, I'm going to guess that these stats largely hold up:

• The 14 lowest-rated NBA Finals games since 1981 featuring the Spurs.
• All four Spurs titles being among the 10 lowest-rated NBA Finals since 1976.
• The Spurs having the two lowest-rated NBA Finals since 1976.

And this is the team that awaits the Heat-Pacers winner. Surely Stern the evil overlord should have done something about this and found someone to beat them beforehand!

Unless ...

Maybe, just maybe Stern is preparing for his greatest trick yet in his last playoffs as NBA commissioner. Perhaps he has an in with the Nielsen people and has gotten assurances that the ratings for the NBA Finals, no matter who the Spurs play, will be through the roof, regardless of how many people actually watch.

You know, just to prove he can.