My advice for Gus Johnson

Gus ... Gus ... Gus ... GUS!!!!

Sorry, didn't mean to yell there. I just wasn't sure you could hear me over whatever it was you were talking about.

I must confess, I was not thrilled to hear that you were being groomed to Fox's lead announcer for the 2018 World Cup. I might have even said something on the Twitter machine about it being the latest in Fox's seemingly never-ending efforts to screw up every sport there is. For one thing, if I ever find the guy with the robot fetish ...

You see, Gus, to be honest, I'm not a fan. What used to be endearing enthusiasm has turned into what I call Garces/Brown Syndrome. Since I doubt you've been following this blog since its inception, it's when a person becomes so defined by a particular characteristic (in your case, getting somewhat excited over things) that it consumes them.

Simply put, you've become shtick. And it annoys me greatly.

However, if you're going to do the gig, you might as well do it as well as you can. In that spirit, I would like to offer you a few friendly bits of advice.

1. Learn the game

I've been following soccer a little more than casually for the past few years. It's actually kind of exciting, getting to know more about a sport that I didn't grow up with and really had no knowledge base about. I'm getting better, but if I got plopped in a broadcast booth, I would drown in a deep pool of flop sweat and suck.

So I can appreciate your learning curve, and it's encouraging to see that you understand it, starting with calling yourself a "novice."

I'm also heartened that it looks like you're doing the work, calling MLS games on the radio, taking a trip to Europe to see games and meet with people and even playing pickup soccer games.

All very good. May I also suggest reading anything you can find from Jonathan Wilson? Sure, 90 percent of it will go over your head, especially when he gets deep in the weeds on tactics. but the 10 percent that sticks will be valuable.

2. Seriously, about the yelling

Listening to you cover a football game is like the announcing version of the running back who gets all puffy-chested and James Dean-like (h/t former co-worker Ray) for picking up four yards on 3rd-and-3 or the linebacker who does a little dance when he stops a runner for a six-yard gain. There's a lot of excitement that doesn't need to happen.

The thing about soccer is that you'll get your moments to be the Gus Johnson that so many people know and love. They just tend to sometimes be few and far between, and they can come out of nowhere.

And the moments don't even have to be goals. There are a lot of exciting moments where the ball doesn't go into the net. My favorites are the shots that appear out of the blue by ROO-NEY! or DROG-BA!

When someone actually scores, especially if it's spectacular, by all means, let it go. I can envision your goal calls being almost as famous as Ray Hudson's, albeit for the volume and not necessarily the flights of whimsy with the English language.



But I beg of you, just pick your spots. (While you're at it, apply that to the rest of your stuff, too.)

3. Tell us how you really feel

You're an American announcer, which means you belong to the school of no players or coaches ever doing something wrong or not being good at what they do unless there's some sort of extenuating circumstance like a bum knee or a sleepless night before the game due to nightmares of an announcer yelling in his ear all night.

But while you're watching English games on Fox Soccer Channel all weekend (which I'm sure you're doing), take note how honest the announcers are. They're all quite skilled at noting how many golden scoring chances Liverpool blows -- lots of opportunities for practice -- and if a player messes up, they say so. If a coach makes a boneheaded move, they say so. I'm pretty sure I've heard them say a team has flat-out quit.

You also should learn the closest thing they have to a euphemism ... "That was optimistic," for a shot that should have never been taken and wasn't going in unless the net was in Row ZZ.

Now I understand that you may not be comfortable with such bluntness, especially if you're not sure your opinions are warranted. If that's the case, then just don't stop your partner from doing it. It may seem weird at first, but it's OK.

Good luck.