Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The dumbest stories in sports (Part 2)

The NFL schedule for next season was released tonight, and apparently that is cause for much rejoicing.

So that got Mrs. Last Honest and I to thinking ... what sporting events would happen between tonight (April 23) and the first game of the NFL season Sept. 4? Here's what we came up with:

  • The remainder of the NBA and NHL playoffs.
  • More than four months of the Major League Baseball season, including the All-Star Game.
  • The College World Series.
  • The Little League World Series.
  • The Baseball Hall of Fame induction.
  • The NFL, NBA, MLB and NHL drafts.
  • The World Cup.
  • The end of this Premier League season ... and the start of the next one.
  • The French Open, Wimbledon and most of the U.S. Open.
  • The British Open, the U.S. Open and the PGA Championship.
  • The Indianapolis 500, Coca-Cola 600 and Grand Prix of Monaco ... all on the same day.
  • The WNBA regular season. 
  • The Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont.
  • The opening of the Canadian Football League season (by the way, they announced their schedule in February).
  • The Tour de France.
  • The Floyd Mayweather-Marcos Maidana fight.
But by all means, let's obsess over the NFL schedule.

The dumbest stories in sports (Part 1)

Let me make this one really simple:

1. Jacoby Ellsbury was an important player for the Boston Red Sox.

2. Jacoby Ellsbury left the Boston Red Sox to join the New York Yankees, and took more money to do so.

3. Red Sox fans booed Jacoby Ellsbury last night when he came back to Boston for the first time.

This was always going to happen, and will happen every time Ellsbury goes back to Boston the rest of his career. (Here's to hoping Red Sox fans consult their dictionaries before it happens again.) There was no point speculating whether it was going to happen. There was no point commenting on it when it did happen.

There was actually no point in criticizing Red Sox fans who did it. I don't agree with it, and won't be booing Robinson Cano when I see the Yankees play the Mariners at Yankee Stadium next week, but all the criticism in the world won't change it.

And there will be no point in commenting on it when it happens in the future.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

UConn's basketball art

When Mrs. Last Honest and I first started dating in September 2000, she explained to me how Connecticut women's basketball worked ... namely that there would be a few other top teams that could give them a game, but they would blow the rest of them out.

And she was right. Following the UConn women -- and thanks to the Internet, we've been able to see their games that aren't televised nationally either on Connecticut Public Television, SNY or ESPN's streaming service -- has meant seeing a lot of games where the competitive portion lasts for five minutes if the opposition was lucky. (This year, I discovered that sometimes the most-entertaining part of the game is watching John Altavilla of the Hartford Courant on Twitter as he watches the game.)

But it has also meant seeing last night.

The competition in women's basketball isn't particularly deep. The Connecticut men winning the national championship as a seventh seed (and beating eighth-seeded Kentucky to do it) was implausible; the thought of a women's seven seed doing it is, at this time, unthinkable.

This, however, was Notre Dame -- the second-ranked team in the country, also undefeated, also crushing everything in its path and with a recent history of beating the Huskies to boot. So it wasn't a shock that even without Natalie Achonwa, the Irish whittled UConn's early big early lead to as low as five and ultimately seven by the end of the first half.

And then UConn came out in the second half and absolutely boat-raced Notre Dame. What shaped up as a possible classic instead became a coronation.

Yet whether it's against Notre Dame or the dregs of their schedule, when the UConn women are right, as they so frequently are, what they're doing is less basketball and more artistry, their competition less the players in the other uniforms and more the possibilities of what can be done on a basketball court ...as long as your definition of good basketball doesn't require male physical size, strength and athleticism.

Sometimes, this actually gets them in what passes for trouble. They can do so many things, it's almost like they sometimes feel a need to show them all, and the gears grind for a while. Last night, however, was no such problem. They threw the ball inside early and often, mostly to Stefanie Dolson and Breanna Stewart, because the Irish had nothing for them, and wouldn't have had enough even if Achonwa was playing.

When it works ... oh, when it works. The players have changed from Sue Bird and Diana Taurasi from when I started watching to Dolson, Stewart and the rest of this year's Huskies, but the way they pass, shoot, defend, run the floor and see ... see what's going on and make a play accordingly ... can be a joy to behold.

That's why I wish the people who say, "Who cares? They're just women" would stop caring that, yes, women are smaller, slower and less athletic than men (which is simple biology, that's all, not a sign of male superiority in all things) and actually watch the UConn women play.

Because they might just see a masterpiece.



Monday, March 31, 2014

Baseball means spring ... except in the Northeast

When the phone rang, I knew it was my brother, and I knew why he was calling.

It was the morning of May 18, 2002, and my brother was going to rendezvous with me, my then-fiancee (now my wife) and her parents outside Albany, NY, for a trip to Yankee Stadium for that afternoon's game between the Yankees and Twins.

The weather, however, was nasty, and my brother was calling to ask if we were still planning to go. When I told him we were, he replied, "You do know it's snowing here, right?"

While we were just getting rain, my brother, who lived at a higher elevation about 40 minutes away, was indeed getting snow. I reassured him, however, that not only were we going, but that the rain was projected to stop by about 10:30, plenty of time before the game was supposed to start.

I'm not sure how much he believed me, but he came down to meet us, and the five of us piled into the car and headed to New York.

* * * * *

The arrival of baseball season, starting with images of spring training from Florida and Arizona, means spring is on the way.

It just seems like the Northeast is the last place it arrives.

Seeing snow on the ground this morning at my home outside Boston, since it's both March 31 and the more-or-less opening day of the baseball season (minus the Australia games, last night's ESPN opener and the teams who don't start until tomorrow), put me in a mood. I may have referred to where I live as a "frozen hellhole" at one point.

One of the guys who works for me may have been a little surprised, since he knows I grew up in upstate New York. The conversation brought back memories of my high school baseball days, when sometimes we practiced in weather so cold that I couldn't make my hands work well enough to zip up my pants afterward, so I wore my practice gear home.

The game schedule was more or less a wish list, since a lot of them were going to be called off, and getting anything done required a lot of practice indoors. My high school coach had all sorts of creative ideas for things we could do in the gym, complete with several soft baseballs he had acquired for that purpose.

One of those drills was going to be him pitching from one corner of the gym to a batter positioned near the batting net alongside the divider that split the gym in two, where the softball team was probably trying to get some work in of their own. Imagining balls flying around the gym and scattering other players doing their drills, I wasn't quite sure how it would work, but I never got a chance to find out.

You see, I was going to be the first batter in the drill, but while the coach was warming up, one of my return throws slipped out of my batting glove and short-hopped him in the last place any man wants to be short-hopped.

End of drill.

* * * * *

It was cold, but fortunately for us, dry.
When my boy Poopsie turned 30 a few years ago, we celebrated his birthday at Fenway Park. The game the between the Red Sox and Rays the night before had been suspended, and the weather the next night wasn't much better. The good news was that one of Poopsie's friends had connections that let us get tickets right behind home plate, under cover.

So while it was a chilly night, we were at least dry to see the end of the game from the night before, plus the regularly scheduled game. I tried to be clever by wearing my Durham Bulls hat, but since one of the guys in our group used to live in Durham, he realized what I was going for, since the Bulls are Tampa Bay's top farm team.

Since the MBTA only just started realizing people stay out late on the weekends, those of us who took the train had to leave early, but between the two games, we got to see about nine innings of baseball.

However, I'm hoping that the next time Poopsie and I hit a game, it'll be in Philadelphia, where he lives now, and that it won't be freezing.

* * * * *



The weather forecasts I had seen were correct, and the rain pretty much stopped at about 10:30, as we were approaching New York. 

We got there early, so we found a bar near the stadium where we could get lunch and watch Jason Giambi's walk-off grand slam from the night before. We all knew what was coming. We all cheered, anyway.

It didn't rain anymore, but it was cold ... as in wear-your-winter-jacket cold. The cold would have been bad enough, but the wind was also blowing hard from left field to right ... and we were in the right field box seats.

Did I mention that this wasn't March 18, not April 18 ... but May 18?

At least the Yankees won, but ever since then, I've been loathe to go to any games at Yankee Stadium early in the season. If I'm going to freeze my tail off at a ballgame, I can do it a lot closer to home.


Sunday, March 23, 2014

Syracuse lost, and I'm not feeling so good myself

Tyler Ennis' three-pointer clanged off the rim -- to my mind the second bad decision he had made in the last two possessions -- and with it Syracuse's season had come to an end at the hands of Dayton.

And I proceeded to yell profanities (OK, only one in particular) in combination with "chokers" and various other forms of low regard, all while pounding my fist into my thigh multiple times hard enough so that I think it frightened my wife.

As it's one of the few parts of my anatomy with any muscles, my thigh was fine, not even a bruise, yet my rage remained unabated.

"Ennis needs to go to the NBA right now so he doesn't screw up anymore," I thought. "And take that overrated C.J. Fair and his disappearing act with him. And I'm so happy to see Trevor Cooney remember the scrub that he is. Maybe I should have called on Big Orange"


Rested and ready for a regional final that never came.
I even allowed myself some sacrilege.

"Maybe Jim Boeheim ought to retire. He hates being in the ACC, anyway."

In fact, I was so upset at how horribly Syracuse had played in a game they would have won going away if the Orange had even been mediocre, I even let a few bad calls slide, which isn't something I normally do.



My pal FortyFourist (and by pal, I mean guy I sometimes converse with on Twitter, since we don't actually know each other) has been trying to keep the angry masses at least somewhat at bay since last night, although I don't know how much success he has had.


I eventually calmed down long enough to watch Wisconsin complete its comeback against Oregon, and then had a good night's sleep. I still think Ennis messed up royally at the end, but he did have a great year in what I'm sure will be his only year in Syracuse, and while I think being in the ACC will cause Boeheim to retire earlier than he had planned, I don't actually want it to happen.

However, I'm not backing off Fair's disappearing act, and Cooney has to figure out a way to do something on offense if teams actually ... what's the word I'm looking for ... guard him.

And I'm reminded again that one game, played by people I don't know and will most likely never meet, can cause such fervent emotion. (I'm sure Dayton fans are feeling the same level of emotion, but of joy and not anger).

Is it irrational?

Sure it is.

But that's sports.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Who are the worst sports fans in America?

Because everything it about brackets this time of year, the folks at Deadspin are running a tournament to find "the bitchiest, most defensive fans in America." Although they have non-sports "regions" as well, I'm going to concentrate on the sports section.

Remember, this is one fan's opinion, and please ... no wagering.

So here we go ...

First round

1. Soccer fans vs 16. Redskins name change people

The people who want the NFL's Washington entry to change its name should be a 16 seed, given that the name is pretty racist, so it's hard to complain that they're too bitchy. Soccer fans aren't a great No. 1 seed either, although I can see a certain indie-band fan vibe among some of them in that they think only the cool, sophisticated people "get it."

I don't see soccer fans going all the way, but I'm not ready to go Harvard-Stanford women yet.

Winner: Soccer fans

8. Boston Red Sox fans vs. 9. NBA basketbloggers

I'm a Yankees fan who lives 15 miles from Boston. Who do you think I'm picking? (Side note, Yankees fans aren't in the tourney because they and Dallas Cowboys fans are dismissed "your standard asshole bandwagon fans." Who has more bandwagon fans than the Boston Red Sox?)

Winner: Boston Red Sox fans

5. Boxing fans vs. 12. MLS fans (distinct from soccer)

Oh, MLS fans, getting their hopes up one day only to have them crushed. They want so bad for their little indie band to make it big. Every tournament has to have its 12 beating a 5, so here you go.

Winner: MLS fans

4. Duke fans vs. 13 Notre Dame fans

This is the annual "committee has a funny sense of humor" contests, but it's really not that close. After Syracuse got a call in the Carrier Dome, Duke fans were complaining about not getting a call.

Let me repeat that ... Duke fans were complaining about not getting a call.

Winner: Duke fans

6. St. Louis Cardinals fans vs. 11. Kobe Bryant fans

From the Deadspin description
"Currently the NBA's best player. RIGHT NOW. AT THIS MOMENT. Even when he's unable to play. Say the word 'Colorado.' Go on. I f---ing dare you."
That'll do.

Winner: Kobe Bryant fans

3. All hockey fans vs. 14. Penn State fans

I wasn't kidding when I wrote that the Paterno dead-enders need to let it go. This isn't a 14 beating a 3; this is a 14 beating a 3 ... by 40.

Winner: Penn State fans

7. Lacrosse players vs. 10. Oakland Raiders fans

Deadspin described lacrosse "as a sport for rich preppy dipshits." Not from my experience. In college, lacrosse players were pretty much the campus psychos, which I say with equal parts fear and admiration. As for Raiders fans, I speak of them with equal parts fear and dislike for their team.

Winner: Oakland Raiders fans

2. Mixed martial arts fans vs. 15. Sabermetricians

I'm still trying to make peace with sabermetricians.

Winner: Mixed martial arts fans

Second round

1. Soccer fans vs. 8. Boston Red Sox fans

Only one of these groups of people loves to remind the world of everyone else's PED use (especially if they wear pinstripes in New York) while ignoring transgressions in their own house.

And that guy's not a fan ... he's a writer.

Winner: Red Sox fans

4. Duke fans vs. 12. MLS fans

Coach K never gives the officials a hard time. Just ask Duke fans; they'll tell you.

Winner: Duke fans

11. Kobe Bryant fans vs. 14 Penn State fans

The people who think they are the real victims of the Jerry Sandusky scandal cruise to another victory.

Winner: Penn State fans

2. MMA fans vs. 10. Raiders fans

The winners might be too beat up to continue.

Winner: Raiders fans

Semifinals

4. Duke fans vs. 8. Red Sox fans

This could be a pay-per-view main event anywhere in the country, but Duke fans have never questioned my sanity.

Winner: Red Sox fans

10. Raiders fans vs. 14. Penn State fans

"Our football coach got fired because he didn't do anything about the child molester on campus? Let's riot!"

Winner: Penn State fans

Finals

8. Red Sox fans vs. 14. Penn State fans

It should be obvious I don't think much of Red Sox fans. I find them to be bandwagon-jumpers ("lifelong fan since 2004, baby!") who literally think there's something wrong with Yankees fans.

However ...

The whole tournament is built on generalizations, and is pretty tongue-in-cheek. Not all Red Sox fans are obnoxious, and neither are all Duke fans, Kobe fans, MLS fans or any other fans. I even have a lot of friends who root for the Red Sox, and they all insist they never, eeeeevvvveeerrrr chanted "Jeter sucks."

And obviously, many, many ... most Penn State fans are horrified about what happened. Any right-thinking person would be. But that there are any Penn State fans who are any less than horrified gives them the "distinction" of being the worst sports fans in America.

Winner: The idiots among Penn State fans





Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Another year with Dad

As my memory has it, I was standing at the plate during Little League practice, when I saw someone unexpected on the other side of the chain-link fence.

It was my father.

The surprise at him being there wasn't because my parents had split up and he was never around -- they've been married 42 years -- but because I figured he'd be sleeping or not long out of bed that Saturday morning. A steel fabricator, he had gotten a night-shift job not that long before.

It wasn't the greatest, especially since my brother and I mostly saw him right after we got home from school, but it was during the recession of the early 1980s, and he had already been laid off a couple times, so if a night-shift job was what it had to be, a night-shift job was what it had to be.

Except he had just quit, tired of never being around, so there he was at my practice. Fortunately, he found another job not much later.

It was a point of pride for my parents to come to my brother's and my ballgames, plays, concerts or whatever. I remember them talking with a combination of bewilderment and disdain about parents who just dropped their kids off and left when it was over. As I think about it, maybe those parents couldn't come because of work or some other reason, but what I knew what that my parents were always around.

As I got older, it sometimes bugged my baseball coaches (and I have to say, not completely without reason) when after an at-bat I'd walk over to where my father was standing to dissect what had just happened. After all, he wasn't my coach, but he knew more about my swing than anyone else.

He actually know more about all of my game than anyone else, since he taught me most of it. The house I grew up in had a small front yard, site of countless rounds of pitch-and-catch during childhood and the constant reminders to aim for the chest and that a bad throw made a good play useless and a bad one worse. (Also, if someone can't hit a pitch, keep throwing it until he does, and if a pitcher is having a good game, leave him in.)

If I wasn't hitting very well, he'd take me to the vacant field across the street, or sometimes the Little League field itself, to pitch batting practice.

Once in a while, I'd change things up and play wide receiver, even though football wasn't his thing. The size of the yard made pretty much anything other than down-and-in patterns a challenge, and the tree next to the house made for a fearsome strong safety.

Today's my father's birthday. He's 63. Although he once answered a question about when he would retire by saying, "When they put my a-- in the ground, he actually stopped working exactly a year ago, and he's still on this side of the grass. For the previous year, whenever the phone calls on Sunday nights came around the 19th, he would count down another month toward retirement.

Dad doesn't watch a ton of baseball any more, to the point where I sometimes forget how much he knows about it. His main sport is NASCAR, which makes up a large part of our Sunday talks.

When I first started following NASCAR, I became a Dale Earnhardt fan ... mainly because he was.

Happy birthday.