Aaron Rodgers ... not your trained seal

The headline reads "Some Packers fans are starting to think Aaron Rodgers has an Olivia Munn problem."

I'm assuming that's because an editor decided "Some horribly confused Packers fans think Aaron Rodgers is their property, instead of being a guy they enjoy watch playing football" was too unwieldy.

Side note: Since I'm a James Bond nut, Mrs. Last Honest went to see "Spectre" the first time we got a chance, and were treated to a preview of "Ride Along 2," because apparently someone's Venn diagram generator was apparently at the bottom of a lake.

The surprise appearance of one Olivia Munn in the preview did nothing to make the movie seem any less ridiculous, but if the movie is terrible, will people blame Aaron Rodgers?

Side note 2: One of my favorite scenes, and favorite lines, from one of my favorite shows.

Stuff shouldn't matter this much

I came home from work the other night to bizarre message on Facebook from a friend of mine, apologizing for something he wrote during a baseball discussion, that he was having a bad day and shouldn't have taken it out on me.

I literally had no idea what he was talking about.

Actually, I knew what he was talking about, as he was taking part in some trash-talking I was doing with my Red Sox fan friends over the previous week. They were all happy that the Red Sox beat the Yankees a few games, delaying when the Yankees clinched the wild card, and then when the Astros beat the Yankees in the wild card game.

I asked if they enjoyed their team's third last-place finish in four years, with one fluke World Series thrown in (which I called the "Jonas Gray" baseball season because Gray was a scrub who had one great moment). I told them the Yankees would have trouble making tee times after being eliminated because the Red Sox took all the good ones in July, and said the next thing Red Sox fans had to look forward to was Dave O'Brien welcoming them to spring training. (O'Brien replacing Don Orsillo as the Red Sox NESN play-by-play man is both an injustice and a serious thing around these parts, so the reference was hitting way below the belt.)

But even though I think very little of Red Sox fans as a whole, I knew this was just friends giving each other crab, and didn't find any of it offensive, certainly not offensive enough to block my friend (which I didn't know I had done) and then him unfriending me. Blocks were undone, friend status re-established and everythng is cool now.

Always remember folks ... it's only sports. Nothing wrong with throwing yourself into it, but it's not that important in the grand scheme of most of our lives.

* * * * *

Guys, we really need to get over ourselves.

Yes, Jessica Mendoza called the Astros-Yankees game. If you think she analyzes poorly, fine. Maybe she makes bad points, and doesn't know a lot about the game but tries to sound like a know-it-all ... wait, sorry , just had Harold Reynolds on the brain because I saw him do an ad for the MLB At Bat app, saying it's where he gets his information from. Personally, I'd hate to see how uninformed Reynolds is if he didn't have that app.

But I digress.

Jessica Mendoza doing color commentary isn't going to ruin a game because she's a woman, in spite of what some idiots were saying on Twitter, which Molly Knight did a fine job of recording. No one will have to give up his man card for listening, and it won't do any damage to any of the various parts of our anatomy.

I promise.

* * * * *

"First of all I hope your entire family contracts HIV."

The article on the health problems faced by ESPN NFL reporter Ed Werder's daughter and son-in-law is a tough read, even without what the idiot Patriots fan wrote to Werder after he defended Chris Mortensen's Deflategate reporting.

However, while I think Deflategate severed the last bit of the twine tethering most Patriots fans to both humility and rationality, I'm not writing this to pick on them, because who knows if this person even knew of Werder's family situation?

And it could have been a fan of any team who was upset about anything, because apparently, wishing disease on a person's family is what you do.

Just ... stop.

It was just a matter of when for Brendan Rodgers

When I first started watching Premier League soccer several years ago, Martin Jol was the manager of Tottenham Hotspur, and even though I didn't know the details that led to it, I knew that he was going to get sacked sooner rather than later.

Every time I watched a highlights show, whenever talk turned to Tottenham, it was always a matter of whether this game, if it wasn't a win, would be Jol's last. Eventually, it happened, and my mate Gardner and I came up with a term for the drip-drip-drip of rumors followed by more rumors followed by talk of replacements and eventual sacking ... the Martin Jol Memorial Death Watch (even though the man himself is very much still alive).

Which brings us to Brendan Rodgers, the man for whom the Jol tolled today.

I was among those fooled by the second-place finish two seasons ago in thinking that Rodgers was a great manager, but at some point last season, a combination of the realization that Liverpool's great season was largely due to Luis Suarez's presence, the players brought in with that money from Suarez being sold being mediocre at best, the crashing out of the Champions League, the poor Premier League form, the circumstances of Steven Gerrard's departure announcement caused someone to first say publicly the Rodgers could or should be fired.

Once that kind of talk starts, there's only one way to steer out of the skid, and that's to win a lot. And for a time, Rodgers pulled it off, with Liverpool going on a long unbeaten streak that pulled them to the verge of returning to the Champions League.

But then came a loss to Manchester United, complete with embarrassing Gerrard red card, and then the utter capitulations to end the season (3-1 at home to Crystal Palace, 6-1 to Stoke) were enough to get the "sack Rodgers" talk started all over again. He even acknowledged it was possible.

Realistically, the only way for Rodgers to save his job would have been for Liverpool to come flying out of the gate this season, but when that didn't happen, the sacking was never in doubt. The only question was when ownership would pull the trigger.

Today, that question was answered.

Why should Leonard Fournette have to decide anything?

Today's USA Today has a column from Christine Brennan arguing that even someone as talented as LSU running back Leonard Fournette should be allowed to declare for the NFL draft before he's out of high school three years.

I don't particularly agree with her argument, especially her statement that she'd rather trust talented college football players like Fournette in the hands of college coaches and adminstrators than agents, but I also think we're looking at the whole issue of when college football and basketball players are eligible to go pro the wrong way.

Whether it's after one year out of high school (men's basketball, women's is a little more complicated, but bascially four years; otherwise Breanna Stewart wouldn't be getting ready for her senior year at UConn) or three years (football), when the time comes, we are asking 18- to 21-year-olds, plus whoever is advising them, to make irrevocable decisions about their futures.

Remember ... irrevocable. Once that final decision gets made, before the draft, you can't go back, even if it doesn't turn out as well as hoped. (At least for now ... it could change if a rule allowing basketball undergrads to test the waters goes through.)

Why should the player have to make that decision? Why shouldn't the teams, with the adults who are getting paid to make decisions, have to make them?

Let teams draft whatever players they want, whenever they want to draft them, even if it's after high school. Make the teams responsible for making offers to the players they draft, so the players know exactly what they're getting into. If the player likes the deal, go ahead and sign. If not, go to school and see what the next year brings.

There would be a deadline to sign, and a team that doesn't sign a player it drafts could get some form of compensation. Oh, I'm sure there would be some outcry, since teams wouldn't have full control over the futures of the players in their uncompensated minor league systems, but again, they hire people to make those decisions.

So force them to make them.

Welcome to Patriots World

As a San Diego Chargers fan, I can certainly attest to their ability to screw up even the most well-organized two-car funeral without anyone's help.

But then ... this.

"On Jan. 14, 2007, the Chargers hosted the Pats in an AFC Divisional Playoff Game. San Diego was 14-2 and the No. 1 seed, winner of 10 straight. New England won 24-21. Did the Chargers screw it up? Sure. They were better than those guys and it got Marty Schottenheimer fired.

Did the Patriots cheat? Well, it fell into that ESPN time line.

The next year the Chargers lost again to the Pats, this time in Foxborough, 21-12 in the AFC Championship Game. Quarterback Philip Rivers had knee surgery a few days before. Tailback LaDainian Tomlinson, injured, had two carries and sat sulking on the sideline. Tight end Antonio Gates played on one foot and decoyed. Still, the Bolts trailed only 14-12 after three quarters. Healthy, no question, they were better.

Did the Patriots’ cheat? We’ll probably never know. Possible? Absolutely. You have to be incredibly naïve or blinded by the Patriots’ light to believe they didn’t."

"Did any of this cost the Chargers Super Bowls? Can’t say. The Chargers had superior personal and should have played better, especially in the Divisional game. If they had won one or two, would we even be talking about L.A. or Carson today? I think we’d already have a new stadium."

Are Nick Canepa's grapes more than slightly sour? Perhaps, but without any evidence that anything untoward happened to the Chargers other than an ESPN report that covers the time those two games were played, he was able to say there's a possibility San Diego was not only cheated out of a Super Bowl, but potentially its NFL team.

And I'm willing to bet he didn't even have to try that hard.

This is the world that the Patriots (with, it appears, a healthy assist from Roger Goodell) have created.

I will grant that the Patriots haven't been too popular outside New England for a while, but now it's getting far too easy for everyone but the people who think Tom Brady was "freed" -- and I will continue to ask, "What prison was he in?" -- when his Deflategate suspension was overturned to think they literally haven't been able to win anything on the up-and-up.

The NFL has been able to withstand Michael Vick's dog-fighting, Ray Rice cold-cocking his future wife in an elevator, Adrian Peterson beating his kids, Greg Hardy's domestic violence case, players fans and media would be screaming "STEROIDS!" about if they picked up a baseball bat instead of a football helmet, Junior Seau's suicide and a seemingly incompetent commissioner.

And while I don't think this will bring the league down, either, believing the marquee franchise with the most-powerful owner, the brilliant coach (who, by the way, how can you talk about how brilliant he is as a strategist if you think his strategies are developed by breaking the rules?) and the face of the league are a bunch of cheaters isn't a bad way to alienate fans.

Rain, rain, stay away, at least on baseball days

Ever since I was a small child, rain has been an enemy.

Why? Because rain meant no baseball.

Through my youth, there was probably nothing I loved more than baseball. I loved watching it. I loved practicing it. I loved playing it. I loved being around it. I used to look forward to my brother's practices and games, just so I could be at the field.

But rain (well, rain or cold, growing up in the Northeast and all) was the one thing that could take it away. If I was home, and the forecast was for rain, I'd hope that it was only raining where I lived, and not the town where we played our games, about seven miles away. I actually think that delusion bore fruit at least once or twice.

Now that I'm older, baseball has fallen down a little on the list. For one thing, I'm married, which is obviously on top, and I realize that rain is a necessary part of life, especially when I see stories about the epic drought in California. (Ironically, even during the massive drought, the Angels had their first home rainout in 20 years in July ... because baseball is like that.)

So rain is a thing that has to happen sometimes.

Just not on baseball days.

* * * * *

Last night, I was ending a boycott.

I had vowed that I would never attend Lowell Spinners game. Why? Because the Red Sox single-A team had something called the Yankees Elimination Project, where they bought uniforms for local youth baseball leagues that dropped teams with the name Yankees and replaced them with Spinners.

Yes, the rivalry is the rivalry and there's a lot of stuff on both sides that's largely in good fun, but this actually made me angry. As a Yankees fan who has lived in Massachusetts since 2003, most of what I've seen has been relatively harmless, but there is that group who believes any association with the Yankees means there's literally something wrong with you.

The Yankees Elimination Project, in my mind, was teaching kids that the Yankees were so bad, they literally had to be cast out. So, I decided I would never go to one of their games.

It wasn't that much of a problem, though. I had the Cape Cod League. Pawtucket was only an hour away. I should have gone to more Brockton Rox games. 

I even made a few trips to Fenway. (While I obviously dislike the Red Sox, baseball games are baseball games, and if their games or their affiliates' games are what's around, I'll go, except for Lowell.)

I've even been able to hit Yankee Stadium for the thrill of seeing Stephen Drew play instead of that no-good Jeter guy.

Then I moved, and guess which team is the closest to where I live now?

Yup, the Lowell Spinners.

Fortunately, the problem was solved with an email ... the one that I believe actually came from the owner of the team, answering my query about the Yankees Elimination Project by letting me know they stopped the program a few years ago. If memory serves, interest had dropped off, and I think he was actually a bit sad about it.

So I could go to see the Spinners in good conscience, and once my work set up a night at the ballpark for last night, off to LeLacheur Park we went.

Even better, last night's opponent was the Staten Island Yankees.

* * * * *

My wife had noticed the raindrops first. We had just finished eating in the Home Plate BBQ when the sprinkles first fell.

The sprinkles quickly turned into a downpour that didn't stop for about a half-hour. We went inside and talked to a couple of my co-workers, but mostly I fumed, and not quietly. The delayed start was obvious, but we decided to check out the scene when we saw the tarp was off the infield.

It was not promising. The crew appeared to be five or six guys with squeegees and another with what looked like a leaf-blower, and it was all they could do to clear the standing water off the grass in shallow left field. It was no fault of the crew; it's not like the Lowell Spinners have the resources available to the Red Sox.

However, the longer it took, the more likely it was that there would be no baseball, even though the rain had stopped, and that became clear once the crew stopped out in left field. The game probably would have been called off sooner, but they had a bit of business to do first.

There was a WORLD RECORD at LeLacheur Park tonight. #BumpOutCancer http://t.co/SXuSSF9DMk pic.twitter.com/dv3yaPqNYE

— Lowell Spinners (@LowellSpinners) August 22, 2015

The world record was for the most people fist-bumping at one time, trying to "bump out cancer" in honor of Liam Fitzgerald, known for doing fist bumps with the Boston Bruins. My wife and I made our contributions, although the woman next to me, realizing I was wearing a Yankees hat, wondered if it would count if she "accidentally" punched me in the nose. I think she was kidding, and she accepted it when I said my fist-bump counted as much as anyone else's.

As soon as it ended, the announcement came that the game was called off. I was so ticked, I didn't even stay an hour for fireworks, and I never pass up a chance for fireworks.

Our tickets are good for any home game the rest of the season. I hope we go.

By the way ... today's weather? Perfect.

Of course.

Roger Goodell can be a hero ... if he wants to ... but he probably won't

It's safe to say Roger Goodell's reputation isn't the greatest.

However, I have an idea for him that will instantly raise his standing among football fans, even here in New England, where he's the devil incarnate if he doesn't rescind Tom Brady's Deflategate suspension yesterday and grovel for forgiveness for daring inconvenience him in any way.

He can ask the Pro Football Hall of Fame to let Sydney Seau speak.

We learned today that no one will be allowed to speak on Junior Seau's behalf during the Hall's induction ceremony, not even his daughter Sydney, who was listed as his presenter. According to the Hall, it's their call, not the NFL's, and it's simply a fairly new policy that deceased honorees get a longer-than-normal highlight video, but no speakers.

Let's give them the benefit of the doubt ... really, let's swallow hard and do it ... and assume there was no pressure at all from the NFL to sweep aside the whole "unpleasantness" of how and why Seau died and that it's just policy.

There's no way they wouldn't let Sydney speak if Goodell asked them to, policy or not.

But we all know that's not very likely.

It's not even as simple as whether Sydney would have called out the NFL about its concussion problem, and the fact that its players are destroying their bodies and their brains. She has said that wasn't her plan.

No, it's that every second spent on Junior Seau is a reminder that he's not there, and why he's not there, no matter the content.

So it's in the interest of both the NFL and the Pro Football Hall of Fame -- which is, after all, an institution that primarily honors the greats of the NFL and therefore has something to lose if the league's reputation is sullied -- to make sure that time is as short as humanly possible.

What if Pedro's right?

According to Pedro Martinez's estimate, 60 percent of Major League Baseball players were using performance-enhancing drugs during his career.

I have no idea if he's right, but let's say he is. Instead of focusing on how great he was to have been so dominant during the Steroid Era, consider that if 60 percent of players were juicing, we know only a fraction of them (and only really care about the ones that trigger the selective outrage machine: A-Rod, Bonds, Clemens, Sosa, McGwire, etc.) ... which means the odds are good that some juicers will end up with Pedro in the Hall of Fame.

That's bad news for the keep-the-cheats-out crowd, unless they want to argue that everyone already in the Hall from that era was clean and that no one else should be inducted ... you know, just to be sure.

Today in silly A-Rod arguments

Jon Paul Morosi writes that Alex Rodriguez shouldn't be in this year's All-Star Game, even though he's worthy.

It's not that he doesn't have the numbers, because he does, and Morosi points out that the numbers should be the thing.

It's not even the PEDs, as he notes that his fellow Biogenesis list members Nelson Cruz and Jhonny Peralta were elected starters, by the fans -- many of whom I'm sure would throw A-Rod out of the game if they could -- this year. (That whirring noise you hear in the background? That's the selective outrage machine. Don't worry; you get used to it after a while.)

No, in addition to the fact that no one elected him to the game -- which I'm sure had nothing to do with the selective outrage -- the problem is that he'll be (cue drama-sting music here) ... a distraction.

"If A-Rod had been named to the All-Star team, he'd dominate much of the pregame discussion in Cincinnati. Would the debate draw greater attention to this year's Midsummer Classic? Perhaps. But it would drain plenty of oxygen from what people who love the game should be discussing: the tremendous influx of young talent to the sport.

The All-Star Game has a complicated identity: It determines home-field advantage for the World Series, yet its heritage is as a summertime exhibition for fans. It's supposed to celebrate the greatest players in the game, while also leaving room on rosters to honor breakout stars of the first half. In some years, the Midsummer Classic does an admirable job of satisfying its many constituencies. In other years, it doesn't.

But in 2015, with a new commissioner and evolving sports preferences in the U.S., it is paramount that MLB leverage its All-Star Game into a stage for Mike Trout and Bryce Harper, Kris Bryant and Joc Pederson, Manny Machado and Nolan Arenado. We need to learn more about their stories. By now, we're familiar enough with the tale of Alexander Emmanuel Rodriguez." 

If Alex Rodriguez was selected to the All-Star Game, he would be a story, and oh by the way, he should be. After all, he missed an entire year because of a suspension to come back and play any better than anyone expected. And so far, he has managed to do it without (so far) doing anything dumb.

But "dominate much of the pregame discussion," to the point where Trout, Harper, Bryant and the other great young stars of baseball would be overshadowed? Now who would be responsible for that if it happens?

Between Monday and Tuesday, the whole of the baseball media is going to decamp in Cincinnati. Surely MLB Network will have wall-to-wall coverage, and I'm guessing the various Fox Sports networks will give the game quite a bit of airtime, since their network is covering it. ESPN will probably also make an appearance.

And while they're there, they can literally cover anything they want. They can devote hours to Brock Holt if they want to. They can spend as much time as they like on the guy who's banned from the game for life but is still being allowed to participate in the festivities in spite of recent reports that he bet on baseball while he was still playing. (And Alex Rodriguez is a distraction?)

As for the game itself, A-Rod is a DH. He wouldn't be in the field and likely wouldn't get more than a couple at-bats, so the only time anyone would have to talk about him is when he hits. Sure, he could do something huge with his at-bats and be chosen MVP, except that wouldn't happen even if he hit grand slams every time.

In other words, Alex Rodriguez would be as much of a distraction as Morosi and his fellow media members let him be.

It's the Baseball Hall of Fame ... that should be enough

A shrine for everyone to see.

Kevin Paul Dupont has a story in the Boston Globe about the Baseball Hall of Fame, specifically that there's so much Red Sox-related stuff there that it justifies a Boston fan going. 

"It would be virtually impossible for a true Boston fan not to fall immediately into a state of awe and wonder over all the Hall’s offerings specific to the Sox. It blends the good and the bad, the splendor and the horror, including exhibit odes to such icons as Cy Young, Babe Ruth, and (Ted) Williams, along with other greats such as Carl Yastrzemski, Bobby Doerr, Carlton Fisk, Jim Rice, and others."

'“It’s not unusual to see adults walking around in baseball uniforms here,'’’ said (Hall of Fame president Jeff) Idelson, noting the Hall’s ability not only to turn back time, but turn adults into kids. 'It’s like you or me going out on Halloween and wearing our Carl Yastrzemski Little League uniform. Hey, this is the place to do it. This is the ultimate fantasy camp for baseball.'

Especially for those who wear their Red Sox."

People actually sent this stuff to Jackie Robinson

My first thought was that here was another parochial Boston piece, because it seems that nothing in this town matters at all unless there's some sort of local connection. Not that localizing a story isn't common in the media, and there is an obvious Red Sox connection with Pedro Martinez being enshrined in the Hall of Fame soon, but to my mind, there are some things that shouldn't require a local hook.

But then again, the night of the Kentucky Derby, it was one of the lead stories on a local newscast, not because it was the Kentucky Derby, but because a bunch of Patriots players partied there!

I met Nolan Ryan in the days before he was enshrined. You can imagine how I felt about this.

Then I had a second thought -- what if this wasn't yet another sign of Boston parochialism, but another sign of what we've become as sports fans?

We live in a world where more sports are available than ever before ... until the next thing that happens to make even more available. As a whole, this is, of course, awesome. However, I think a side effect is that you don't actually have to be a fan of a sport anymore; you can be a fan of a team.

Baseball seems especially vulnerable in this regard. Thanks to regional sports networks, which draw big ratings even as national ratings are low, and MLB.TV, most people can watch all 162 games of their favorite team (unless you're a Dodgers fan in Los Angeles, which is cruel, because you miss out on Vin Scully).

I even find myself mostly watching Yankees game these days, even with my online package.

Pete Rose is in the Hall of Fame, even if he's not. (And I think he will be eventually.)

But none of that should matter, whether you devour all the baseball you can or stick to one team. It's the Baseball Hall of Fame ... just go.

Do you know what you'll be doing an August weekend five years from now? He does.

Sitting around ... talking sports

I was at a family wedding the other day, and during the reception, my brother, cousin and I got talking about sports.

We talked about the Yankees (especially Alex Rodriguez and PEDs), the Buffalo Bills (my brother has to get used to liking Rex Ryan), college basketball (my cousin was a star basketball player in high school, his daughter has done some coaching, and her boyfriend is a young college assistant coach) and probably a couple other topics I can't think of right now.

This lasted 15 minutes or so, maybe a little longer, and ended when my cousin got up, smiled, patted me on the shoulder and said, "Listen to us, solving everything!"

Yup ... because that's what sports fans do.

Calling BS on a Tom Brady story

In case you weren't aware, when a person becomes rich and famous, he or she frequently moves to more-spacious housing, it's harder to go out in public and easy to become isolated. 

If any of that was a surprise, allow me to share this from today's Boston Globe about Tom Brady, which has the undeserved honor of sharing Page A1 space with a wonderful piece by Kevin Cullen (although there's not really any other kind) about the Boston Marathon bombing. In addition to the above, you'll learn that a supermodel wife is one of the "trappings of fame" like endorsement deals or large houses.

Because, you know, it's not like Gisele Bundchen is a person or anything. She doesn't even talk that much! (Of course, when she does, people in Boston hate her for it.)

As usual, sports was the first section I dove into this morning -- although I read the Cullen piece when I saw it was at the top of A1 -- while I was watching soccer and eating pancakes in the living room. My wife, who usually reads the rest of the paper in the time it takes me to read sports because I spend a lot of time with the sports section, read out loud for me from the dining room.

"... after all these years we’re no closer to knowing Tom Brady.
Boston is partially to blame. People here treat sports like a religion and Brady like a deity. Fans, and some in the media, get on bended knee when the handsome face of the NFL appears in front of a camera."

Fair enough.

"They fiercely defend the QB to critics who say he should have cooperated more during the Deflategate investigation."

Indeed.

"They even bite their tongues when No. 12 dons a dreaded Yankees cap."

"Bull ... s--t," I replied through a mouthful of pancakes. "Bull ... f---ing ... s--t."

I know this will seem crazy for any readers I have outside of Boston, but Tom Brady wearing a New York Yankees hat was once actually a thing people cared about.



And it wasn't just the local media. Around that time, my wife and I were house-hunting, and I got into a discussion about it with the real estate agent who was showing us around. I said it shouldn't be a big deal what baseball team Tom Brady likes in his spare time, but she disagreed, punctuating her argument by proclaiming that the quarterback of the New England Patriots wearing a Yankees hat would be like an American wearing an "I love Iraq" T-shirt.

I don't remember if I came up with the retort that the "bombs" referred to in "Bronx Bombers" were a different type right then or afterwards, but I figured I'd better not push it too far.

After all, she was our ride. (We wound up not buying a house with her, but that was because life circumstances changed and we didn't buy one until quite some time later, and in a different town. Other than her unfortunate views on the Patriots and patriotism, she was actually very nice.)

P.S. -- Regarding Deflategate itself, since I don't like the Patriots, of course I think that not only were they deflating footballs, Brady absolutely knew about it and perhaps even ordered it.

If I'm right, he might want to perhaps rethink the possibility of federal court should his appeal not work out. It might be tough if the information he wouldn't give the league was requested under subpoena or he was asked to tell all he knew under penalty of perjury.

If I were in charge of sports

I have finally decided to do it -- to list the things I would do if I became Supreme Ruler of the Sports World, capable of making decisions by fiat. I am willing to be a benevolent dictator, in that if the people remember the "dictator" part, I'll try to remember the "benevolent" part.

And we'll start with the development in sports that has been making me pull my hair out all week ...

All NFL contracts would be fully guaranteed --  I've always considered the concept of the "non-guaranteed contract" to be someone oxymoronic. Isn't a contract by its very nature a guarantee that a player will play for a certain amount of time, and in exchange, the club will pay a certain amount of money?

Instead, what we have now in the NFL is a situation where if a team doesn't want to pay a player any more, it demands he rework his contract or cuts him outright. Strangely enough, it doesn't work the other way, that a player can demand more money, and if the club doesn't comply, he becomes a free agent.

Sure, it'll mean lots of bad contracts for aging players whose pay doesn't match their performance. Oh well, too bad ... players are expected to live up to contracts, and so should teams.

Of course, none of this could matter if ...

No salary caps --  Players are the game. Sports is the business it is because of them. No one buys tickets or turns on the TV to watch owners own. They deserve all the money they can get.

"But the rich teams will buy all the best players and win everything!!!" you cry. I know I certainly enjoyed that Dodgers-Yankees World Series last year, but I am willing to consider revenue plans that make sure everyone has a chance, although I don't think it's as big a problem as some claim.

Speaking of deserving money ...

All college athletes would be allowed to be paid -- Maybe the university would pay. Maybe boosters would pay. Maybe endorsers would pay. However, it's done, if someone wanted to pay college athletes, it would be legal.

If Kentucky wants to buy a team of great basketball players ... oh wait, bad example.

If every SEC football team wants to pay all its players ... oh wait, another bad example.

You get my drift.

Staying in college ...

The NCAA basketball tournaments would be run by a straight S-curve -- The top team would play No. 68 and have the No. 8 team as the second seed in its region. The second team would play No. 67 and have the No. 7 team as its second seed.

There wouldn't be any of this crap where Wisconsin might be the second seed in Kentucky's region, even thought the Badgers are definitely not the No. 8 team, because Cleveland is the closest site to both schools. (And is Wisconsin wins the Big 10 title game, it should be a No. 1, rendering the whole discussion moot.)

And while we're at it ...

So long, pods -- If the committee wants to give the top seeds early round games close to home (and congratulations, NCAA, for having yet another subregional in North Carolina; God forbid Duke or North Carolina actually have to travel), that's fine, but otherwise, teams go to the sites the S-curve tells them to.

If a team from the eastern half of the country is in the West regional, it'll have the change to see the country from 33,000 feet.

Generic floors go, too -- I have written about this before, and have not changed my mind.

Regarding who plays in the tourney...

New format for play-in games -- First of all, they would be called just that, "play-in" games. Also, they would all be the lowest-seeded at-large teams, not the split of at-large teams and 16 seeds. Teams that actually won something to get into the tournament should not have to win something else just to make the main bracket. Let the lower-ranked teams from power conferences, who otherwise have just about every advantage when it comes to being chosen, play for bids.

As for college football ...

Four teams are good, but more are better -- The college football playoff would be a minimum of 16 teams, and perhaps 20 or 24 with byes. Every conference champion would get in, plus the best of the rest.

And yes, it would run on an S-curve.

As for the sport that's about to start, even though you wouldn't know it with all the talk of NFL free agents ...

Day games are a wonderful thing -- This is why, with the exception of the ESPN Sunday night game and playoff weekends where there are three or more games in a day, all weekend games would be day games, starting at 1 p.m. locally.

Being able to see the end of a game ... what a concept!

Let's make Ernie Banks smile in Heaven -- Every team would play one single-admission Sunday doubleheader a month. They'd play the first game at 1, retreat to the clubhouse for a half-hour to get ready for the second game, and then play that one. One ticket price would cover both games.

It's a little bit of a break for the fans, and it would also shave about a week from the schedule, lessening the chance of November baseball.

Bring Pete Rose back -- I've always been torn on this one. He bet on his own team's games, so I can understand a lifetime ban, but he never bet on them to lose (and yes, I understand the argument that he may have indirectly by managing the Reds differently on days he did bet), and by this point, letting him back in probably just means he can go in the Hall of Fame and perhaps get work as an ambassador of some type. I highly doubt he'll be managing again.

So I'll let him back in the game so he can go in the Hall of Fame.

Be consistent on cheaters -- Until someone tells me why it's OK for guys who doctored baseballs to be in the Hall of Fame but not guys who doctored their bodies, I expect the writers to either vote for guys involved with PEDs or move to throw guys like Gaylord Perry out. And, by the way, they have to go tell Perry personally.

Shift away -- If a team knows where someone is going to hit the ball, why not let them arrange their defense accordingly? If hitters don't like it, they can actually learn how to hit differently. Yes, it might change their precious routines, but the best baseball players in the world (even Brendan Ryan) should be able to figure it out.

Changing gears (see what I did there?) ...

You're paid to race the whole race, so do it and don't whine -- I'm not tuning in to the Insert Sponsor Name Here 50; I'm watching the Insert Sponsor Name Here 300/400/500/600, so I expect drivers to try the whole time. If they don't, and they complain about guys who do, they can give back their prize money.

Let's go old-school -- NASCAR needs to find a way for its top divisions to race at North Wilkesboro, Rockingham, South Boston, the Milwaukee Mile and other tracks that may not be as lucrative or architecturally majestic, but are still fun.

A bit of a business lesson ...

If you don't take yourself seriously, no one else will, either -- If one of your best and most-recognizable players isn't playing this year because another team is paying her more not to play, that's a bad thing, and it makes you look like a joke. You really should do something about that.

Also, if there's an announcement about a famous player coming to play in your league, you should make sure he comes when you say he's going to. Otherwise, you also look like a joke.

And finally, even though I'm not sure what I would do to enforce it (although I have a few ideas, being Supreme Ruler of the Sports World and all), some words of advice for fans ...

Don't be f---ing idiots -- While the players are the game, it's your willingness to pay that makes people rich. I get that, but that doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want, in spite of what you may have been taught.

You don't get to throw things. You don't get to run onto the field/court/pitch (unless it's a court-storming after a big college basketball win, which I will allow as long as it's safe). You get to boo, but you don't get to make racist, sexist or homophobic remarks.

And while we're on the topic of sexism, any woman athlete is a better athlete than you or I will ever be, and if you actually challenged her at her sport, she would embarrass you.

Think a female sports announcer should just "stay in the kitchen"? Give it a try yourself, and you'll be begging to make her sandwiches. Also, for every woman announcer who you think is terrible, there are 20 men who are as bad or worse. Trust me on this one. Actually, you have to; I'm the Supreme Ruler of the Sports World.

So those are the first-day items. More could be coming as I see fit.

When your ballpark is no more

Few things beat a fine summer night at the ballpark.

At first, I treated the news that the Pawtucket Red Sox would likely be moving to Providence with a sort of benign dislike.

I don't like the Red Sox, but Pawtucket is only about an hour away, so I've gone to several games there. The ballpark isn't the greatest, certainly not Hadlock Field in Portland, the absolute gem where the Red Sox AA affiliate plays, but it's a nice place to watch a game. The first time I went, I was actually pleasantly surprised, as I had only seen the park on TV, and the high backstop behind home plate makes the place look completely soulless when shot by the center field camera.

The neighborhood the park is in isn't the nicest you'll ever see, but the parking is right across the street, and the walk gave my wife and I the priceless moment of seeing Carl Pavano's picture adorning a lamppost as a famous former PawSox player ... above a handicapped parking space. Someone had to have planned that, we thought.

But I also know how these things go. Providence is probably going to build them a beautiful little stadium in a prime location, and although it'll be a little bit longer of a drive, especially when you consider Providence traffic, it's not like the team is moving all that far away.

And I must confess, I'm looking forward to games in Hartford while visiting my in-laws once the New Britain Rock Cats move there.

Then I read this today from Dan Barry, the author of “Bottom of the 33rd: Hope, Redemption, and Baseball’s Longest Game," which, of course, took place in Pawtucket.

"As the years passed, the city’s infrastructure declined, its once-ubiquitous newspaper lost most of its circulation, and even its tired zoo — featuring a beleaguered local celebrity, Fanny the elephant — mercifully closed. The children and grandchildren of millworkers moved up and out, to Cumberland, to Lincoln, and across the Massachusetts line, to Attleboro. Other immigrants settled into the triple-deckers looming over narrow streets, seeking elusive stability during fits of protracted recession, while entrepreneurs imagined other uses for old mills.

But Pawtucket always had McCoy, where future Red Sox stars made their names, and often returned when on rehab assignment. In these ways, Boston royalty was granted to a city nicknamed the Bucket."

And I started thinking about the ballpark of my childhood ... Heritage Park in Colonie, NY.

There was nothing special about the park. Across the street from the former Albany County Airport (more on that later), it was a utilitarian, symmetrical ballpark with mostly metal bleachers unless you ponied up a few more bucks to sit behind home plate.

But it was ours. 

I was a kid when the park opened as the home of the Eastern League Albany-Colonie A's, and it was amazing to me that professional baseball was within an hour of my parents' house, close enough that I was actually able to drive to games when I got older.

One night, my family and my friend Kenny went to a game, but it was rained out, and as we were driving home, there was some noise that cause Kenny to shout, "Listen! You can smell it!" We still sometimes pull that line out today.

I got my first autographs there -- future journeyman backup catcher Charlie O'Brien is one in particular that I remember -- and I was so excited to turn on a game one Saturday to see Mickey Tettleton playing for the A's, since I had seen him in Colonie not that long before.

One night, I bought a plastic replica A's helmet that I wore everywhere, until I cracked it so badly one night during an argument with my brother that my father threw it away. I was so mad.

Then the A's moved out ... and the Yankees moved in.

The Yankees, my Yankees, had a minor league team ... in Colonie! What could possibly be better?

Strangely enough, I don't have any memories of future Yankee stars playing at Heritage Park, and the team eventually moved, first to Norwich, CT (a Norwich Navigators hat is buried in my hat collection somewhere), and then Trenton, NJ.

Its replacement was an independent team, the Albany-Colonie Diamond Dogs. The games were still fun -- instead of the traditional activities, my bachelor party was my boys and me going to a Diamond Dogs game -- but it's clear in retrospect that the Yankees leaving and independent team coming in was the beginning of the end for baseball in Colonie.

The Tri-City ValleyCats were the end of the end. They got a nice ballpark in Troy, named for then-state Senate Majority Leader Joseph Bruno, who got the money for the field, and Heritage Park faded away, first as a relic with some depressing pictures before being torn down. I haven't been by the site in years, so I couldn't tell you what's there now.

(A side note, and back to the airport. After an expansion project, it is now Albany International Airport, and I once had the occasion to be there for a milestone in the project, the opening of the new parking garage. I was standing on the fringe of a conversation Bruno was having, when out of nowhere, his assistant came and yanked the juice box he was holding out of his hand. He snapped his head around and looked at her funny, and she just pointed to the site of the ceremony, which was about to start. I said to myself, "Someday, I want to be so big that I have someone to take my juice box.")

I haven't been to "The Joe" since it opened, and I once vowed to never go to the ballpark, angry that (in my mind) Heritage Park had to be sacrificed to Joe Bruno could have another plaything. My stance has softened somewhat, ever since the ValleyCats helped rebuild the field where I played Little League after it was damaged (along with most of my hometown, and my parents' house, although in my parents' case they were able to repair it) by floods from Tropical Storm Irene.

So maybe I'll go to a ValleyCats game someday. I'm sure I'll enjoy it if I do. But it'll never match my youth and young-adulthood at Heritage Park, the same way I'm sure a night at whatever beautiful stadium is built in Providence won't be the same as days and nights gone by in Pawtucket for people who have fond memories there.

Alex Rodriguez "meets the press"

The scene -- New York Yankees spring training in Tampa, Florida.

The event -- Alex Rodriguez, back from a 162-game suspension, addresses the media.

"Thank you all for coming today.

I would like to start by saying that it's great to be back. I have always loved baseball, but a year away from the game has caused me to realized I love it even more than I thought, and I hope to earn my spot in the Yankees' lineup and help the team win another World Series.

That being said, I understand that I've made a lot of mistakes, the biggest being using performance-enhancing drugs. All I can say about that is that I'm sorry, and my time away from the game caused me to realize how selfish and foolish I was.

Looking forward, all I can do is try to be a better man.

I know one issue that has come up is the bonuses I am set to receive for reaching certain home run milestones. Because I realize it would be wrong for me to accept them, I have asked the Yankees, and they have agreed, to use the money toward funding scholarship for underprivileged children in New York and Miami. Those kids deserve the money more than I do.

I also realize that as I say this, none of this matters to any of you, as you probably have your stories about me making another phony statement already written, and are just looking for quotes from me to fill it in.

I am well aware that my original sin was not using PEDs, but having the unmitigated gall to sign the contract the Texas Rangers put in front of me. I have been able to do no right in your eyes since then.

Therefore, I can admit to using PEDs twice when David Ortiz -- who was a nobody before he took them -- has never admitted them, and you fall all over yourselves about how wonderful he is while I'm scum. I also know that I've just helped you write your stories, as now I've 'ripped' my 'friend David Ortiz to take heat off' myself.

Therefore, it was OK in your eyes for my own general manager to curse me out for daring to say that I'm ready to start playing again without wondering what his motivation might be.

Therefore, it was OK in your eyes for Major League Baseball to have had such a desire to come after me for Biogenesis that it would purchase stolen documents and for former Commissioner Bud Selig to never answer for how his office handled the investigation.

Therefore, it was OK in your eyes to not point out that I got a longer suspension because of everything I had done, while apparently everyone else involved in Biogenesis except for Ryan Braun must have been caught having done only one thing and for the first time in their lives.

So you know what else is OK? For you to write and say whatever you want. Because you know what else I've realized in the last year? There's nothing I can do to make you happy except retire immediately and never be seen again.

I'm sure you guys have a lot of questions, but too bad. I'm out of here. Go talk to Ortiz instead."




    

The Olympics Boston may not want may be the Olympics Boston needs

In case you weren't aware, there has been just a little bit of snow in and around Boston in the last two weeks, and more could be on the way.

Along with the snow came failures in the region's rail and subway system, the MBTA, or "the T" for short.

"The primary problem that plagued the MBTA’s subway cars this week — and caused thousands of commuters to be stranded on Monday and Tuesday — is a familiar challenge to transit specialists that other cities solved years ago using modern technology.

Many of the stalled trains failed because their motors run on direct current, or DC, power, which malfunctions easily in light, fluffy snow like the more than 40 inches that has blanketed Boston in the past two weeks, MBTA officials say. Transit systems around the country have upgraded to newer alternating current motors, which withstand moisture far better."

The storms have been a tremendous headache, but for some, they have been an opportunity to point out what they see as the preposterous nature of Boston bidding for the 2024 Summer Olympics.

Snow stops our public transportation when it's not snowing. They think they can support the Olympics? #NoBoston2024 http://t.co/c9LOE9wI32
— Nick Pizzolato (@nickpizz) February 3, 2015

The IOC might be interested to know that the #MBTA also doesn't work when it's hot outside. #Boston2024
— Dan Kennedy (@dankennedy_nu) February 6, 2015

The first tweet is from my buddy Pizz (who is a good follow for a lot of reasons, but particularly if you're in the #NoBoston2024 crowd), and the second is from Dan Kennedy, a local journalism professor, author and media critic.

I'm fans of both of them, and they're both right about the T. It basically only runs well if the weather is like San Diego (although, from having been there, I can tell you that its rail system is far more modern than Boston's), and adding the Olympics to the current system would be an epic disaster.

However, I'd say those are less arguments against having the Olympics in Boston and better arguments for actually having them here.

Everyone knows the T is a disgrace, but no one will fix it. Why? Guess.

"You can cast a lot of blame in a lot of directions for the sad state of affairs, but the big culprit is pretty clear: state legislators, particularly those from outside Boston, who have spent the past 20 years whistling past the disaster.

They have known, for many, many years, that the state needs to spend a bunch of money on maintenance and upgrading of the MBTA. They don't care."

Also, this.

So if no one actually wants to fix the MBTA, or doesn't think they should have to be the ones to pay for it, what is it going to take for something to actually be done? It might take a large event that puts Boston on the world stage where failure would subject the city to endless ridicule and cripple its belief in being a world class city.

You know, something like ... the Olympics.

Such a thing would not be unprecedented even in recent history. The London Underground was upgraded for the 2012 Olympics, as was the Sea-to-Sky Highway from Vancouver to Whistler. I can only speak as a tourist, but having been to both in the last few years, I would say it was money well-spent.

There are less-scenic rides.

Are there issues with Boston's Olympic bid? Yeah. (Again, Pizz can tell you all about it.) Is it too bad that it would take something like an Olympics to actually make our state leaders do something about the awful rail system? For sure.

But is there any other way of getting it done. Barring a change of heart, I don't see any.

It won't be the same without Jeff Gordon

I used to hate Jeff Gordon. I admit it. 

It wasn't just that he won all the time, although it was. I know there's a belief that dominant champions are good for a sport because everyone wants to see if they'll get knocked off, but I've never bought it. Unless it's who you're rooting for, why watch when you know who's going to win?

But not only did he win all the time, he was just so ... perfect about it. He had the good looks (after he got a decent haircut and shaved his cheesy mustache), the beauty queen wife, the crew chief who seemingly always made the right call (and with just a whiff of wondering if chicanery was involved, for instance the red car in the top picture), the owner who had all the money and always spoke like he was reading from a PR handbook.

It's like someone he was pressed in a factory somewhere and programmed.

And God, was it annoying.

Yet reading the news today that Gordon won't be racing full-time after this season didn't leave me with the sense of glee that it once would have.

Because you see, somewhere along the line, I stopped hating Jeff Gordon. Yes, part of it was because he stopped winning all the time, but he also stopped being so perfect. He had ups and downs in his personal life (a divorce, remarriage and children), grew a beard once in a while, laughed at himself and even got into a couple fights.

He was, dare I say, human.

And when he became human, he became a lot harder to hate.

So while I don't exactly root for Jeff Gordon, I don't spit and sputter at the thought of him winning (that would be the younger Busch brother), and I can say with respect that if he's not in the lineup of the 2016 Daytona 500, it won't be the same.

Me and my cars

Honest, they were in a display case.

My wife and I are going to be moving, which means we're working on boxing stuff up. Today, that included my collection of die-cast cars. 

With the exception of a couple Randy LaJoie cars and a Robby Gordon, all my cars of Dale Earnhardt, Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Kevin Harvick. I mostly get them as Christmas and birthday gifts, unless I see a good deal somewhere, like when I was able to grab a couple Harvick cars (including an autographed one) on clearance at the Childress museum last year. I actually have a couple that aren't shown here, but since I just got them for Christmas and knew I would be packing them up, anyway, I didn't bother taking them out.

Fortunately for both my parents' and my bank accounts, I'm not a completist; I basically get the stuff I like. I still don't have any Harvick No. 4 cars, something I obviously have to rectify, and in addition to whatever current cars I add to the collection, I'd like to grab the Earnhardt Wheaties car, the Earnhardt Jr. and Harvick ACDelco cars and maybe a Ron Hornaday NAPA truck if I can find them somewhere.

As I looked over the collection spread out on our TV room floor, for all the color (and yes, I have four cars with Wrangler-themed paint schemes), the one that jumped out at me was mostly white.

Mine

The original

This may sound crazy, but I don't think Kevin Harvick has ever gotten enough credit for what he did.

The most-popular driver in the sport had just died during the Daytona 500, the entire sport and its fans were in mourning and Richard Childress, instead of finding a veteran to finish out the season and buy time until he could decide on a permanent driver, turned to Harvick, his 25-year-old, second-year Busch Series driver.

Not only did he have to start racing a white No. 29 car that just the last week had been the iconic black No. 3, he was keeping his full-time Busch Series ride.

So all he did was win his third Cup start in a you-remember-where-you-were-when-it-happened moment, finish in the top 10 in Cup points and take the Busch Series title ... with reminders of what was lost and whose car he was driving present every week. (How Dale Jr., who, after all, lost his father, managed is beyond my feeble comprehension.)

Harvick couldn't replace Dale Earnhardt -- an impossibility if there ever was one -- but he and Dale Jr. (remember the trip back to Daytona that season?) at least gave his fans something to celebrate.