Remember, this is one fan's opinion, and please ... no wagering.
So here we go ...
First round
1. Soccer fans vs 16. Redskins name change people
The people who want the NFL's Washington entry to change its name should be a 16 seed, given that the name is pretty racist, so it's hard to complain that they're too bitchy. Soccer fans aren't a great No. 1 seed either, although I can see a certain indie-band fan vibe among some of them in that they think only the cool, sophisticated people "get it."
I don't see soccer fans going all the way, but I'm not ready to go Harvard-Stanford women yet.
Winner: Soccer fans
8. Boston Red Sox fans vs. 9. NBA basketbloggers
I'm a Yankees fan who lives 15 miles from Boston. Who do you think I'm picking? (Side note, Yankees fans aren't in the tourney because they and Dallas Cowboys fans are dismissed "your standard asshole bandwagon fans." Who has more bandwagon fans than the Boston Red Sox?)
Winner: Boston Red Sox fans
5. Boxing fans vs. 12. MLS fans (distinct from soccer)
Oh, MLS fans, getting their hopes up one day only to have them crushed. They want so bad for their little indie band to make it big. Every tournament has to have its 12 beating a 5, so here you go.
Winner: MLS fans
4. Duke fans vs. 13 Notre Dame fans
This is the annual "committee has a funny sense of humor" contests, but it's really not that close. After Syracuse got a call in the Carrier Dome, Duke fans were complaining about not getting a call.
Let me repeat that ... Duke fans were complaining about not getting a call.
Winner: Duke fans
6. St. Louis Cardinals fans vs. 11. Kobe Bryant fans
From the Deadspin description
"Currently the NBA's best player. RIGHT NOW. AT THIS MOMENT. Even when he's unable to play. Say the word 'Colorado.' Go on. I f---ing dare you."That'll do.
Winner: Kobe Bryant fans
3. All hockey fans vs. 14. Penn State fans
I wasn't kidding when I wrote that the Paterno dead-enders need to let it go. This isn't a 14 beating a 3; this is a 14 beating a 3 ... by 40.
Winner: Penn State fans
7. Lacrosse players vs. 10. Oakland Raiders fans
Deadspin described lacrosse "as a sport for rich preppy dipshits." Not from my experience. In college, lacrosse players were pretty much the campus psychos, which I say with equal parts fear and admiration. As for Raiders fans, I speak of them with equal parts fear and dislike for their team.
Winner: Oakland Raiders fans
2. Mixed martial arts fans vs. 15. Sabermetricians
I'm still trying to make peace with sabermetricians.
Winner: Mixed martial arts fans
Second round
1. Soccer fans vs. 8. Boston Red Sox fans
Only one of these groups of people loves to remind the world of everyone else's PED use (especially if they wear pinstripes in New York) while ignoring transgressions in their own house.
@LastHonestSport I'll correct it. Send me the link explaining exactly what he too and how long he took it. Thanks.
— Pete Abraham (@PeteAbe) December 15, 2013
And that guy's not a fan ... he's a writer.Winner: Red Sox fans
4. Duke fans vs. 12. MLS fans
Coach K never gives the officials a hard time. Just ask Duke fans; they'll tell you.
Winner: Duke fans
11. Kobe Bryant fans vs. 14 Penn State fans
The people who think they are the real victims of the Jerry Sandusky scandal cruise to another victory.
Winner: Penn State fans
2. MMA fans vs. 10. Raiders fans
The winners might be too beat up to continue.
Winner: Raiders fans
Semifinals
4. Duke fans vs. 8. Red Sox fans
This could be a pay-per-view main event anywhere in the country, but Duke fans have never questioned my sanity.
Winner: Red Sox fans
10. Raiders fans vs. 14. Penn State fans
"Our football coach got fired because he didn't do anything about the child molester on campus? Let's riot!"
Winner: Penn State fans
Finals
8. Red Sox fans vs. 14. Penn State fans
It should be obvious I don't think much of Red Sox fans. I find them to be bandwagon-jumpers ("lifelong fan since 2004, baby!") who literally think there's something wrong with Yankees fans.
However ...
The whole tournament is built on generalizations, and is pretty tongue-in-cheek. Not all Red Sox fans are obnoxious, and neither are all Duke fans, Kobe fans, MLS fans or any other fans. I even have a lot of friends who root for the Red Sox, and they all insist they never, eeeeevvvveeerrrr chanted "Jeter sucks."
And obviously, many, many ... most Penn State fans are horrified about what happened. Any right-thinking person would be. But that there are any Penn State fans who are any less than horrified gives them the "distinction" of being the worst sports fans in America.
Winner: The idiots among Penn State fans
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